50/50

   So everyone in my house is running around like chickens with their head cut off. We are leaving to go to the beach in just a few short hours and as much as we try to tell ourselves we are ready and that we haven't forgotten anything; we are not ready and we will most definitely forget something. I love vacation, but it seems like you need one before you go on one, then you need another one after you get off the vacation. Agh! So many vacations... Well, today in the midst of this pandemonium I start getting that creepy feeling of, " it is that time of year again," and school is just around the corner.  I am an unusual kid, school is torture, but it is an ok torture (I know that sounds like masochism). It is that rhythmic motion of repetitiveness that makes it livable. I wake up, go to classes and go home or to dance. I know that my day won't be any different. It is boring, but it is a seldom changing, though stressful, system. I mean, I don't really want to go back because there is no "need" to. I have seen my friend over the summer and have been in contact with others. I do not want to see some people, but then again maybe I do? I try to tell myself that this year is going to be so different and its going to be great. My teachers will be different, I will be refreshed and ready to rip. Yet, after tons of summers of saying just that and having interesting years, I feel mixed emotions. Something says this year really will be different and then something tells me its going to be same old, same old, and I will count down the days until graduation. 

   I know that I should have faith because God will guide me in the right direction, and I do, but I still am a bit...antsy. Growing up changes things and while I am still in that process, things are becoming more clear but there is still a lot of blurriness. I do not want my repetitiveness to be over and yet I crave it's end. I think by the time these next two years are over, the repetitiveness will be ready to be tossed out the window. I am solving my situation by preparation and focus...and a bit of beach time just to hold it off for a few more days.